Disclaimer

This blog is about my experiences. I am a survivor. There is a laundry list of trauma I have experienced. Ultimately, I am working to move past "surviving" life and on to truly thriving. I want to feel the freedom of expressing my feelings honestly.

...survivor of childhood incest, an adult child of an alcoholic, the left behind child of a parent who committed suicide, was a single teen parent, a survivor of domestic violence in my first marriage ...

I started writing this blog after thinking about writing it for years. I am writing it for ME. I have felt the need to express myself in some way for quite some time. I could journal, but I have this feeling that making a public statement is better. See, I keep much of myself to myself. And my experiences, good and bad, are part of who I am. If I can be publicly honest (even in a fairly anonymous way) about some of the darker parts of my life, perhaps I will feel less burdened by secrecy.

I hope that if you read this you will not see it as a cry for attention: it is not. I am keeping it fairly anonymous specifically to prevent that from occurring. I am tired of hiding parts of me from the world, so my past is no longer a secret, but I certainly do not discuss it regularly with people. This blog gives me the freedom to talk about it openly.

I am not crazy. My biggest fear when telling people about my life is that they will see me as damaged, as unstable, as delicate, and as a victim. It is not my fault that I was abused, and the consequences of that abuse are things I deal with daily. Yes, some of my responses to life are different than they would be had I never been through all that I have experienced, but I am a functioning member of society and my ultimate desire is to live a life filled with love, happiness, and safety with my family.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Offenders

One thing that frustrates me most is the public perception of sex offenders. Politicians use it as this lightening rod issue to put fear into people, to create anger around dollars wasted on housing these “monsters” and to gain votes. Needing to feel safe, the public obliges. Out of fear, anger, and the need to have someone to blame, the public vilifies and dehumanizes offenders.

I am not saying offenders should get cushy digs, nor am I saying they are treatable (I honestly don’t know if they are). I am not saying they should be allowed to offend again.

What I am saying is that they are human beings. They were all once children, and we know that most offenders were once children who were victimized themselves. Victims often grow up to be abusers. The abusers are not the low-class monsters we like to portray in the media; they are, in many respects regular people who do a terrible thing. Just like any other person, they can even have aspects to their personalities that are quite likeable. Humans are complex beings and to simplify sex offenders onto being less-than human is a mistake.

Rather than arguing over the amount of dollars that we put into housing sex offenders, we ought to look at the number of dollars we put into:
1. Prevention
2. Education
3. Therapy and recovery programs for victims

These three things would prevent the population of offenders from growing. It could save lives by preventing potential offenders (today’s victims) from ever becoming offenders, helping victims to thrive, and preventing future victims from ever becoming victims.

It is painful, truly painful, how much this issue confuses me. As a victim, I feel anger and even hatred towards people who are abusive, and also towards those who looked the other way. As the daughter of an abuser, I also have a face that I can put onto these “monsters.” Yes, what my dad did to me was terrible, but he is still my dad. I saw the good side of him too.

I am angry at all of you who can simplify this into an “us” versus “them” issue and see offenders as “monsters.” It leaves the victims of incest, like me, as the only ones who have to cope with a terrifyingly complex issue.


Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)